Monday, November 23, 2009

Scary stuff coming up

This morning, for the first time since Magnus was born, I cried. I think it finally just hit me how terrifying it is that his surgery is going to happen either tomorrow or Wednesday.

I was telling one of the doctors this week that at the height of my labor pains, I had the urge to pull out my pitocin IV and just run away! And I kind of feel the same way now. I know it would be deadly for him, but a part of me just wants to go to the hospital, pull out all those monitors and lines and run away with my sweet boy and hug him. He seems so healthy and happy now, and I know he will be weaker after surgery. And I don't know how much weaker and for how long.

I know it has to happen. And the sooner it happens, the better it will ultimately be for him. But I still just want to run away with him and keep him like he is now forever.
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7 comments:

  1. allisonNovember 23, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    i had the exact same thought as you. it's hard to believe that there could be anything wrong with such a beautiful, content baby. after tomorrow's hurdle is passed you'll be on the road to recovery, which ultimately leads to home:)
    hang in there, it's so tough leading up to surgery, but just imagine how much will be behind you this time next week!

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  2. AnonymousNovember 23, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    We are all so encouraged by everything we have seen so far! Magnus is clearly a fighter - it's in his genes! It just has to continue to be positive.
    Nancy

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  3. Wodzisz FamilyNovember 23, 2009 at 9:19 AM

    Awww...you are bringing up so many of the same feelings I had for so long. I felt like that so many times and when I finally got to bundle Hope up and take her home...I broke down. It was the best cry I have ever had!

    I am keeping Magnus and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  4. RuthNovember 23, 2009 at 9:56 AM

    I think we all understand your how you're probably feeling (and some of us are also crying) and know how hard it is to see your child go through something like this. But, you have to have confidence in the doctors and know that there is no option. Just know that there will be tons of us out here sending good wishes to the doctors, to Magnus, and to you and Iggy.
    Much love,
    Mom

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  5. jenNovember 23, 2009 at 11:52 AM

    He is such a sweetie, Jen. Of course you feel this way. You are a mom and want to protect your baby at all costs. Its good that you can express this. He's such a fighter, having grown so big and strong already. it seems that is a good prognosis for easier recovery after. I am so glad that you have confidence in your doctors and the medical care you are getting. Good luck. Thinking of you.

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  6. clareNovember 23, 2009 at 12:22 PM

    I know just how you feel, be strong! trust the surgeon, he is an amazing person! Magnus is gonna come through this and you will too, you are his hero!

    thinking of you every day!
    -Clare

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  7. ShawnNovember 23, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    I wish there was something that could be said right now to ease your fears but if nothing else, please know that Magnus has so many good thoughts and plenty of love around him and he is going to get through all of this. Not easy to see when you are about to be in thick of it, I know, but he is in excellent hands, both with his doctors and with you and Iggy as his parents.

    Sending love to the three of you and I will be working the good thoughts as hard as I can tomorrow and in the coming weeks for his surgery to go well and his recovery to be swift so you can have your sweet little guy at home with you sooner rather than later.

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