36 weeks gestation today! And I am thrilled about that, but also full of conflicting feelings. I'm ecstatic that it's looking like we'll have a full-term baby (or pretty close to one anyway), but still uneasy about the fact that we know we'll need a few more miracles in the coming months.
I also can't help but wonder now if all the anguish and stress we have experienced about pre-term labor was for nothing. Going through all this at a time when there is a national debate about the rising cost of health care has definitely been eye-opening. My doctors have ordered tens of thousands of dollars worth of tests to assess my risk of premature birth...a condition for which there is essentially no effective treatment. Did reducing my activity over the past couple of months get us to this point? Maybe. Would I have been better off being oblivious and active? Who knows? It's probably best not to dwell on it at this point.
Because of all the uncertainty we have faced up to this point, I think Iggy and I are both only now coming to the realization that we are actually going to have a baby, and soon! It seems absurd to realize this now that I am 8+ months pregnant and walking around in a hugely distended body, but a couple of months ago, we were told that if our baby was born at 34 weeks, he had only a 20% chance of surviving his initial surgery, and that we'd be lucky to even make it that far. Now that he's bigger, he has a good chance of doing well with his first surgery, although I know the coming months will still bring some sad and scary moments.
A few people have been asking me about baby showers and registries...before we got our HLHS diagnosis, a friend had offered to throw me a shower, but then after we found out, it didn't feel right to celebrate so prematurely. We have registered at a couple of places, but I haven't given the information out, and we haven't really bought anything for the baby ourselves, either. When he's born, he'll be in the hospital for at least 3 weeks, which I figure is plenty of time to buy whatever we'll need to get started. And then in lieu of a baby shower, we're thinking about throwing a welcome home party. We'll definitely be ready to celebrate when we get to that point.
11 months ago